


until the shadows fall

by ourdarkspirits



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3419348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourdarkspirits/pseuds/ourdarkspirits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Making plans and seeking distraction</p>
            </blockquote>





	until the shadows fall

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I listen to Marc Cohn's "True Companion" and think about Jake and Cassandra. I'm sorry.

Cassandra was cooking, something Jake had been surprised to find out she liked, when she lost consciousness.

_“I like it.  It’s math and science and smell and color, and it all comes together to make something that tastes good.  When I cook the things I perceive are things that are actually there,” Cassandra said with a smile._

__

_Jake grinned and said, “OK,” and sat down in the kitchen to keep her company._

__

He was distracted, doing something else, when he heard the thump of her hitting the floor.  He rushed into the kitchen and found her unconscious.

“Cassie, honey, come back to me,” he urged her cradling her face in his hands.  

He tried not to blame himself for not being there to catch her when she fell.  Cassandra told him he hovered so he gave her space, showed her he believed she was capable, not fragile.  

When she didn’t regain consciousness after a few minutes he called 911.  In the hospital at Cassandra’s bedside, he relives that conversation over and over.  She collapsed, she’s not waking up, she needs to go to a hospital.   

He texted the others as soon as he arrived at the hospital with Cassandra.  Even Jenkins had shown up, Jenkins who didn’t leave the Annex unless absolutely necessary.  

They all offered words of comfort, even Ezekiel who rarely ever found it in himself to be comforting.  They retreated to the waiting room to give Jake space.  They would wait until he knew more.  

Jake was overwhelmed with relief when Cassandra’s eyes opened and met his.

“Jake?” her voice was quiet, weak, “What happened?”

Jake took a deep, shaky breath and said, “You passed out in the kitchen and didn’t wake up.  The doctors are runnin’ tests to find out why.”

Cassandra closed her eyes, a pained expression on her face.  She had had more time than the doctors had given her when they’d first found her tumor.  After being brought to the Library, she had felt useful and happy in a way she hadn’t since she was fifteen.  She had been given a chance to use her talents, dubious though they may have been, to make a difference.  And she had Jake, Jake, after so much doubt, had found a way to trust her, to like her without caveats.

It felt ridiculous, but Jake wanted nothing more than for Cassandra to open her eyes.  After hours of her being unconscious, of fears of her slipping into a coma he wanted the visual reassurance that she had woken up, that she was with him.  

When she did open her eyes, they were filled with grief, “I guess I got used to feeling like I had all the time in the world.”

“Cassie,” Jake started, his voice choked.

“I’ve known since I was fifteen that I wouldn’t get as much time as I wanted.  It’s easy to forget that at the Library, with you.”

Cassandra reached for Jake’s hand and he took it.  Jake had nothing to say to that and so they sat quietly.

“I should tell the others you’re awake,” Jake said finally, reluctantly.  He was loathe to leave her.

“Yeah,” Cassandra nodded.  “Don’t-.  I’m not ready to see anyone right now.  Not until after . . . not until after I know.”

Jake nodded and squeezed her hand before getting up and leaving the room.  He found the others in the waiting room.

“She’s awake.” At the sound of Jake’s voice they all looked up at him.

Eve got up and approached him, but Jake held up his hand as if to say wait.  Eve stopped in her tracks and waited.

“She said she doesn’t want to see anybody yet.  At least not until we know what the doctors have found out,” Jake finished.

“Ok,” Eve nodded, looking like she was thinking through some tactical problem.  “We can back again tomorrow.  That would probably be better anyway.”

“Thanks,” Jake said, a look of relief crossing his face.  He watched as Ezekiel, Eve, Flynn and Jenkins all collected themselves and headed for the door.  When they were gone, he went back down the hall to Cassandra’s room.

When he approached, Jake saw that there was a doctor in the room with Cassandra and he decided to wait outside.  He tried to suppress the nervous energy urging him to move as he waited.  Soon, the doctor was leaving the room.  She gave Jake a sympathetic look when she saw him.

Once inside the room, Jake noted that Cassandra looked like she was trying hard not to cry.  He immediately reclaimed his spot by her bed.

Cassandra looked over at Jake and tried for a smile, as if she could lessen the pain, but it was weak.  “The doctor said the tumor’s grown and I have maybe a few days, no more than a week.”

“A few days,” Jake repeated, feeling his mind go blank.  Like Cassandra, it had been easy to let himself believe they had more time.

Jake took Cassandra’s hand and played with her fingers, not saying a word or looking at her for a long time.  He couldn’t believe it.  In a matter of hours, Cassandra’s time had been taken away.

“You’ll stay right?” Cassandra asked quietly, “To the end?”

At those words, Jake finally met her gaze, saw the worry in her eyes. “Cassie, darlin’.  Yeah.  I’ll stay.  Of course, I’ll stay.”

Cassandra’s eyes were watery.  “I’m scared.  I thought I had come to terms with it, but I’m scared.”

“Me too,” he said.  He was scared that he wouldn’t be there, that he’d come back to the hospital, and she’d be dead.  He was scared of who he’d be after he lost her, of life without her.

“Talk to me.  About anything,” Cassandra pleaded.

Jake thought of art of history, of the way Cassandra made him feel all the same things he felt when he was looking at art, learning about the lives of the artists who made that art.  He began telling her about the Impressionists, the changing life of the artists, the light.  Mostly he talked and occasionally she’d ask questions.  

He didn’t know how long he talked before Cassandra drifted off.  He sat with her holding her hand until a nurse came in and told him visiting hours were over.  Reluctantly, Jake stood up, pressed a kiss to her forehead, and left.

When he got back to the apartment he and Cassandra called home, he went into their bedroom and opened the drawer in his nightstand.  He pulled out a little black velvet box and turned it over and over in his hands.  Maybe he was sentimental but he had thought time was on his side, that they’d find a way to save her.  He flipped open the little box, thinking.  

He wanted to give it to her, give her one last thing while they still had time, but he wondered if it was a good idea.  He wondered if it wouldn’t hurt her more to see that he had had plans, plans for a future that was now no longer theirs.  

He toyed with it a while longer, flipping the box open and shut absent-mindedly as he sat on the edge of the bed.  Finally he set it down on his nightstand and prepared for a sleepless night.

* * *

The next morning he slipped the little box into his pocket and got in his pick-up to go visit Cassandra at the hospital.  She was already awake when he arrived.

“Hi,” Cassandra greeted when Jake walked through the door.

“Hey,” Jake shoved his hands in his pockets fiddling with the little box.  

He took his seat next to her.  Jake knew he looked exhausted and he knew Cassandra could tell.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” she asked reaching up to touch his face.

Jake leaned into her touch and closed his eyes. “No.”

Cassandra sighed.  She hadn’t expected anything else, but she could hope.  She could hope that he would take care of himself while she was in the hospital.  

“Let’s talk about something else.”

Jake pulled the box out of his pocket.  “I was gonna ask you to marry me.  I was kind of hopin’ we’d find some way to get rid of the tumor.  Or that we had more time.”

Cassandra was crying.  He shouldn’t have said anything, should have left the ring at home, but she asked, “Can I see it?”

He handed her the little box.  “I would have said ‘yes,’” she told him, as she slipped the ring on her finger.

“I know,” he told her.  And he did.  He knew that in a different world, that would have been the normal progression of their relationship.  He knew that she wanted that as much as he did, and he supposed that made it hurt worse.  

“We could have gotten married in summer,” she mused, “It wouldn’t be too hot here.  Maybe we’d go to the coast.”

Jake let himself play along.  “It’d be a bit windy.”

“My hair would be flying around my face,” Cassandra added.  

“You’d be beautiful.  You are beautiful, but especially then, with your hair blowing in your face,” Jake got swept up in the image of her standing before him, her hands in his, dressed in white, marrying him.

“You’d be rocking your suit,” Cassandra said with a grin.  Ezekiel had told her about breaking into Buckingham.  

“Yeah,” Jake said with an answering grin.  

“And you’d smile that smile, where you’re eyes get all crinkly,” Cassandra continued, “Because you’re so happy that after everything, after tumors, and losing the Library, we’re finally here.”

“Eve, Flynn, Ezekiel and Jenkins would be there.  A small wedding,” Jake mused.

“We could use the back door to go anywhere we wanted for a honeymoon.”

They talked about what it would be like.  All of it.  Life after the honeymoon.  They planned a whole life with tears and laughter, occasionally interrupted when a nurse would come to check on Cassandra or bring her a meal.  

Over the next few days the others would drop by and talk to Cassandra, offer comfort to Jake.  Jake and Cassandra continued to make plans for a life they would never have.  

At the end of a week Cassandra slipped into a coma.  Jake stayed by her side until she passed away.  It was quiet.  One minute the monitors were quietly checking her vitals, and the next there was a steady tone when her heart stopped beating.  Jake felt something inside him break.  He was pushed out of the room as the doctors came into declare her.  

They were there in the waiting room, offering what little comfort they could as Jake broke the news.

In a moment she was gone.  In a moment he had lost one of the most incredible women he had ever met.  The future they had planned would never come to pass.

 


End file.
